Written Dripping in Love by Galadriel Masterson, CHHC
Fu%$&*k Sugar. I know you love Sugar. I know you think about her…a lot. I know you lust after her; but she was never your friend. It was more a master/slave relationship. She betrayed you from the first taste. At best, and this is me being generous…she was a frenenemy.
When you succumb to Sugar she’s insidious; she gets deep inside and gets to work. You can change your name, your city, your job but she will still be on your mind. How does she have this power? Well, it starts with that dopamine hit she gives you. She goes right to the pleasure center in your brain, the same one that lights up with cocaine or heroin usage. And you guessed it, Sugar is just as addictive and just as hard to quit or even cut down on. Sugar turned you into a dopamine junkie.
3. Imbalanced Hormones = Everything will suck
Lady Sugar insists that your pancreas make and secret way too much insulin which triggers a chain of hateful events. The fat storage hormone gets signaled; hope you were looking for a muffin top, a double chin, back of the arm flab and a lil gut. The I am full and satiated hormone goes on break, meaning you will just keep on eating. Following the high Sugar gave you, your body crashes and burns making you wanna eat more sugar so you can “refuel.” Sugar wrecks havoc on your hormones and leaves you fat, inflamed, tired and craving her more.
4. Clear Your Clutter
Erase her phone number and block her email: that way you can’t drunk dial or reach out in a moment of stress or weakness. Translation: clear out your cupboards, fridge, bag, locker, desk, and car of sugar. If you were quitting heroin would you keep just a lil bit in the house? If you were quitting cocaine would you cut down to a just few lines? Cold Turkey. Ice Cold. Get rid of the temptation.
5. Mistress of Disease
If you eat sugar and have Asthma, Diabetes, PCOS, Candida, Yeast Infections or Cancer you are definitely running with wrong crowd. When you eat sugar, too much insulin is made which can create inflammation in your airways…cue the asthma attack or need for the inhaler. PCOS is often called the cousin of diabetes…keeping blood sugar regulated is the first and most important step you can take towards healing and curing your gorgeous lady self. Have yeast infections or candida been an issue…every time you eat sugar the message you are sending the yeast and candida is grow big and strong and take over, destroy me! If you have cancer or want to invest in the avoidance of cancer then never allow sugar to pass your lips. Sugar is to cancer cells what gasoline is to fire. Enough said. If you have diabetes and eat sugar please schedule an appointment with me so I kick your ass and betch slap you into next week.
6. Break Up Weight Loss
The best side effect of any break up, good or bad: the unexpected waist line revamp and just in time for spring! Get on that pain train, baby…. let go of sugar and the baggage she deposited on your body.
7. She Ages You
The natural aging process is sped up majorly when you eat sugar cuz she loves to attack collagen and elastin which leaves you sagging, bagging and wrinkled…sexy, right? Its does not matter what creams, oils or foreskins or placentas or virgins blood you put on your skin if you eat sugar. If you want to star in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button 2 you gotta kick the betch to the curb. I can always spot someone in the throes of a sugar affair as they have all or some of the following: crows feet wrinkles around the eyes, grayish or reddish skin, zits, full blown or baby double chin, tricep fat, skinny with a teeny spare tire.
8. You vs. The Food Industry
Your body does not actually need sugar. Your brain might cuz your brain is now addicted but there is literally no scientific evidence or research to show that your body has any need or use for the carbohydrate sugar. On the other hand, the Food Industry/ Big Box Stores/ Big Pharma very very very much relies on your sugar addiction and the subsequent health issues that will arise. In fact, customers are locked in at birth…check out what they put in baby formula to ensure this statement is true.
9. Mommies little Monster
Got kids…. take the sugar out of their diet completely (with out telling them, of course) and watch bad behavior and outburst greatly decrease, attention span increase and grades get better. Don’t believe me…test drive it and see for yourself. You are welcome.
10. Stop Getting Ready to Get Ready
Throw yourself one last pity party and fuck sugar all nite long but come sunrise you must deliver the truth: We are over, you don’t bring out the best in me and I deserve better. Every time I put you in my mouth I am giving information to my body and that information has been an invitation for everything from wrinkles to disease. I am not sexy with you, I am stupid. So this is it, Sugar…. it’s over.
Bonus: Just the Tip
Sugar is often incognito be aware of her alias: Corn Syrup, Beet Sugar, Agave Nectar, Barley Malt, Molasses, Brown Rice Syrup, Brown Sugar, Buttered Sugar, Cane Juice Crystals, Cane Juice, Cane Sugar, Caramel, Carob Syrup, Caster Sugar, Corn Sweetener, Crystaline Fructose, Demara Sugar, Dextrane, Ethyl Maltol, Evaporated Cane Juice, Fructose, Aspartame, Sweet n Low, Equal, Xylitol, Fruit Juice Concentrate, Glucose, Malt Syrup, Maltodextrin, Maltose, Muscovado Sugar, Sorghum Syrup, Sucrose, Turbinado Sugar, Splenda, Bread, Anything made from Flour.
Next Month look for: The Best Way to Get Over Someone is to Get Under Someone Else: The “Better Than” Options for all Your Sugar Cravings.
Galadriel Masterson is a Certified Health and LIfeStyle Coach as well as Creator of The Masterson Plan and motivational tools: YesBetchYes and NoBetchNo. Galadriel teaches that Health should fun, easy and inspiring…get your daily dose by following her health coach
Facebook page: YesBetch and NoBetch. As well as her Health Coach Instagram Accounts: @yesbetchyes for all things you say YES to for gorgeous health and @nobetchno to kick the things out that are ruining your party!